From Waitress to Global Training Manager and Coach with Natasha Abou Moghli

Hello and welcome to the podcast Building Confidence. My name is Sue Reed and I am your host. Every week, I will be discussing the subject of confidence with a new guest, so with no further ado, let's jump in. Natasha Abu Moghli is an adventurous spirit who has been privileged to live in multiple countries whilst growing up. Now, this upbringing has given Natasha a passion for travel and learning about different cultures. So Natasha started working in hospitality age 19, which at the time was really a means to an end because she was funding her university fees. However, she found she absolutely loved and had a talent for connecting with the people that she met and making sure she gave them a good service. So, starting out waiting on tables, she moved to be in a skilled bartender, then moved to be in a qualified sommelier and eventually became a global training manager. Now that's an amazing career, but Natasha felt something was missing. She still felt unfulfilled. So move on 15 years and Natasha realised her true calling as a life coach and has just qualified with the Jay Shetty certification school. So she's staying in the hospitality industry, still carrying on with her career, but now her experience and qualification helps her to help the people that work in hospitality to live their best lives, and she gives them guidance, support and encouragement. So welcome to the show, natasha. It's lovely to have you here.

Lovely to be here. Thank you so much for having me.

You're welcome. So first question I always ask then is what would you say your definition of confidence would be?

My definition of confidence is looking myself in the eye and being okay with it, and that has a much deeper meaning, because if I am able to look myself in the eye and be okay with it, that means that I have something called self-worth. That means that I am okay with who I am, what I have to offer as a person. The many things can influence my confidence, which is coming from a fake perspective. Who mean a nice suit, and let me walk in the middle of the room and I'll walk with my head high because I know I'm wearing a very nice suit and all eyes are on me. Give me a few drinks and I'll loosen up and I'll fake that confidence. I will be the loudest in the room, I'll be speaking, chatting, but this is not what true confidence means to me. My true confidence is, no matter where I am in my life, no matter what I am wearing, I am okay with who I am inside and what I have to offer as a human being. And yeah, so this is what confidence means to me.

Yeah, yeah, I really love that, and particularly that you know kind of turning up as you are, because a lot of people, you know they think, well, if I have women, if I have full makeup, if I'm looking really great and my hair is good and I've got my nails done, then I am super confident because I know I look good. Now, if I go out with no makeup I haven't brushed my hair, you know, I might have my old clothes on, comfortable clothes then maybe I'm not as confident and maybe if I see somebody that I, you know, maybe would normally look up to, then I feel really, really worried about having to have a conversation with somebody when I, you know, I'm totally and I used to be like this is why I'm saying it because I then be totally focused on oh my God, he's seen me with no makeup on or she's seen me with no makeup on. I look terrible. Like, rather than having a conversation, you're worried about what they think of you. So I really like that. So would you say that you are happy just to turn up as you are and it's a take me or leave me sort of confidence now?

It is in a way now I work in a professional industry so I cannot just show up as I am. You know, I have to dress appropriate to the occasion. But what I and it does help I mean when I fix my hair, when I do my nails I'm smelling good. Of course it helps. But what I mean is that it doesn't define my confidence. Just because I am a certain way doesn't mean if I have or I lack confidence. It definitely helps, but just being okay that no matter what I have to put on the table, because I used to think I was not good enough, so I used to keep my mouth shut, and that was because I had lack self worth. So therefore I didn't have any confidence. Whatever I said, I would think twice before saying maybe they don't need to hear it, maybe they won't be beneficial to anyone. But now I say my part. I say what I have to say. I'm mindful about what I say, but I get my point across and this is where the confidence comes in. They can take it or leave it what I have to say, but I know that I am doing what I have to do.

That's it, yeah brilliant At that point when you felt that nobody would be interested in what you had to say, and so you kept quiet. Was that before or after you started working in the hospitality industry?

Well, I started working at a really young age. I was 19 years old. Yeah, I think so. I think from the time I started, because it was always in my mind was always that the customers are always right. So whatever I have to say, whatever I have to prove, didn't matter. And I'm not saying that happens in all the restaurants, all the hospitality sector, but there are places where they're very strict about what the customer is saying. That's the only truth. So I started believing. My truth is not the truth. And, sue, it's just not about the hospitality industry. It's about how you were raised and bought up Now is raised in an environment and a culture where the women's voice doesn't really matter. What the women has to say is not important. It's the man of the house who gets the last word. So, being bought up in that kind of culture and environment, I automatically got that okay, I should stay quiet and not say anything because I don't want to get on anyone's bad side and I don't want to get myself in trouble. So it's better to just hold back. And hospitality is actually what helped me to bring my voice forward. You know, when I started working and I was around all these people and I had great managers, there were times in my life where I had great mentors and managers and they asked me to voice up, to speak up, to bring my truth up front.

you know, and this is what helped me, I think so at that time, then, was that a matter of you having to push yourself out of your company and comfort zone a little bit? So you know, when they said well, you know you need to speak up, how easy was that for you to do that, particularly given that you've been taught not to speak up.

And the reason it puts a smile on my face is because I remember myself being an extremist. I'm an extremist. In general, it's either nothing or I'm all in, you know. So it's either I was silent, silent, not saying the word, or either I was so blunt, and in your face, that my managers have to tell me you need to calm down. You know you need to address issues in a very a neutral, professional way, and so that was. That was also another phase of learning. You know I have to learn the balance, the art of balance, which was very hard. You know, all my life I've been silent and not speaking up, and then I was encouraged to speak up and when I actually spoke, everything came up. You know all the frustration, all the anger that was inside me just came up, but at the wrong people, you know. But so this is where I got. I had to learn that I need to start balancing my act. Yeah, it requires a lot of inner work.

Yeah, totally. I mean, that makes me think, actually makes me smile at myself, because when I was young I was very, very shy and you know, I hardly ever spoke. I never knew what to say, let alone how to say it. But as I got older and I started to try and get my confidence, a lot of my friends said you do come across quite scary times, like you can be quite aggressive, and a couple of them even told me their boyfriends were frightened, stiff, of me. My boyfriend doesn't like you because you frighten him. And I thought it's not really the way I wanted to go. I was just trying to, like you know, put my personality forward, but maybe I was like pushing it a little bit too hard. So yeah, like you say, you have to find that balance in the middle where you're more assertive than aggressive, maybe.

Definitely so, and I can so relate to what you're saying, because these are the remarks that I used to get. And, tasha, people don't want to come speak to you because you, you're mean, like you give out the mean vibe, but later on, when they got to know me and I had I let my walls down, they got to see what kind of person I am. You know, and it's also a way of our defense mechanism, which is how we protect ourselves. You know, we put out their wall, but it takes time. It slowly does the right inner work. It does help to kind of break that down.

So yeah, because when you think of your career and how you know, how long did it take you to go from waiting on tables to become in the global training manager?

10 years long time, I mean yeah, but it's not that long.

when you think you started out at 19 and by 29 you're a global training manager, it's not actually that long.

I'm sorry it's not 29. I became a global training manager when I was the age 32.

So that was around 12 years, 32, 29. Yeah, I mean that's still really good. So you would think that somebody that advanced that well and got that high in the industry because it is quite a difficult industry, I think, to progress in you would think somebody like that would have super confidence. So what would you say to that?

Well, it definitely is a very hard industry, but it's the industry for the people who are not afraid of hard work and who are not afraid of putting their heart and soul into it. It's definitely not an industry for a lot of hard people who just wants to get the job to make ends meet, which is also quite normal. There's a lot of people around the world who takes hospitality not as a career but as a, as a, as a meaning, just to pay the bills. Yeah, I actually stayed in hospitality because I eyes the height of the hospitality meeting new people, getting to know, making their day, putting a smile on their faces. I love that. It actually made me feel better about my life and I used it as a way to escape my, my worries, my anxiety, because I was going through a very difficult time when I first got into hospitality, because it was not even in the cards for me. You know, I had the whole future set up for me. I was meant to go to a certain university, meant to drive a certain car, meant to have a certain lifestyle, and the year that I graduated my my life fell apart. Everything that was supposed to go right went completely wrong. My dad faced a lot of issues. The whole family faced a lot of issues and this is why I had to work in order to afford my university. And I didn't even go to the university that that I was planned to. I went to a completely different university and I started. I started waitressing and, I don't know, my dad was against it. He was like no child of mine is going to clean table. Well that's, that's what I have on the table right now, and I have to study. You know I have to. I have to do something. So, yeah, I was the only one in the family who took to con hospitality, and then my sister joined in, of course, and I loved it. I stayed there. I finished my studies, but I stayed in in the hospitality and the thing is that I was very blessed with good mentors and good managers, because you, you get your, especially if you've been in the hospitality for 15 years. You have your share of good and bad management. You know, and this is why I'm so keen on leaders, because leaders are the one who develop the cultures and the mindset. When I was working under bad leadership, I was not doing mentally well as well, because it was affecting me. you know the way they were treating me, that they they were addressing the issues. It was affecting me on a much deeper level and I carried that to my personal life. So not only was I not doing well at work, but I was not doing well in my personal life as well. Because it's a circle Go home I start worrying about how I'm going to get and it's all like all over again. And I also worked under good leaders, gave me a voice, where they'd pay for me to speak and address, showed me, they taught me how to address things. I failed many times. I remember when I was head of my department and one of the department, few people left because they couldn't bear working with me, because I was very military based, because I was charged and I wanted to prove my worth. Look at me. You know I got this. I'm in control now. I'm as hard on them as I would be on myself. I am very hard on myself and they left. And this is where my manager had to sit me down and they're like I think you know there's a person who left. I think it's really their door. What's happening here? What are your expectations? What are you trying to prove? So they kind of coached me in a way that made me go to my aha moments. Yeah, something is definitely wrong with me. I have to work on myself first so I can have a good team, a team that can respect fear me, because I thought fear meant respect, but it's a complete opposite.

Yeah, yeah, no.

I get that. There's a good leadership?

Yeah, it's because I mean, you know, a bad manager rather than a leader might have said well, you're obviously not cut out for this job, natasha, so you know I'm going to have to let you go, and then that might have made you crash right back down again but because I guess they must have seen the leader in you and thought that yeah, there is something there we can work with.

Exactly, they realized I am someone who is worth the risk, worth the challenge, worth the time. Everyone needs a little bit of polishing here and now. No one is just born a manager. You know, you got to learn your way through and the best thing that I think, the gift that I have is the willingness I'm always willing to learn. I never let my ego get in the way of me learning new skills. Of course, sometimes the feedbacks can be harsh and I am someone who takes things personally, but hospitality has even taught me that nothing is personal, it's not about me.

Yeah, it's very easy to take feedback as criticism and think somebody is, you know, against you rather than trying to help you. So we kind of need to just look at ourselves really and, like you say, do the inner work. So what do I need to change? And I think if we in any industry, if we get to the end of the day and we reflect on how our day is gone, we think to ourselves well, yeah, ok, maybe I didn't do that really well, how can I do that better next time? And that way we can improve as we go and learn as we go, and that's how we grow.

Definitely, and it's also very important not to be so hard on ourselves. Yes, it's good to reflect on what went wrong and what we could have done better, but we shouldn't let that ruin our day. You know some especially new managers in the industry. They take everything to heart because they want to look good so that the management has taken the right decision by choosing them. So they really take things personally, and this is the journey of any new manager in the hospitality industry. But it's OK. It's OK to make mistakes along the way, because this is how we will learn and just take each day as it comes, not dwell on it and take it into our personal life, because this is when it can get really tricky.

And, like you say, hospitality it's not like it's not a nine to five job where you know you just close off your laptop, go home and you can forget about everything that happened, because quite often in hospitality you're working really long hours, you may not get home till late, you're absolutely exhausted. I know because my son's in the industry and I know how hard he works and how sometimes it does damages health. Because you can. You can really, especially if you're somebody that wants to do well and wants to serve humanity and you know you really want, because when people go out for a meal or when they're on holiday, anything in the hospitality industry your, your clients, are there to enjoy themselves, to have a good time, and it's your part of your job to make that happen for them. So that's a lot of pressure on one person, especially if they're having a bad day. So yeah, it is. It is quite a hard job. So what do you do when you finish your day? What do you do to relax? How do you get your energy back?

When I was on the floor and I was working 16 hours a day, I would always respect my schedule. If I am early or I know that I have to get up super early to work, I used to fight my urges because in hospitality, for you to have a good time and to relax is to go out for beers after work and after shifts. So this is how you let off the steam. This was the hard pill for me to swallow. That alcohol was not really helping me relax. It was actually making my life more unmanageable. So I have to learn the hard way that I have to respect my body and the needs and I have to find other ways, which is sleeping on time, eating healthy, not craving junk food at the end of the every shift. It was very hard in the beginning because this is not my comfort move. My comfort move is a pint of beer, a hamburger, french fries, anything to just numb everything. I wanted to numb everything and forget about this thing. I had to learn that if I really want to grow in this industry and make something out of myself, I have to learn how to manage my emotions and not let things at work affect me to a level where I let off steam. So I started respecting my working days. I started sleeping, waking up early even when I was working on the habit I would let off steam. When I knew that I don't have to wake up early the next day. I would go and do whatever that I wanted to do. Let that come to my everyday life. When I started doing that, my mental health got better and I started performing much better at work.

Yeah, you need to have that rest time, but, like you say, you need to also when you're at work. When you know you've got work the next day and you know you've got a long day. There's no point in staying out drinking and you know not getting the sleep you need. So at what point then in your career did you think I need to become a life coach?

I love training. I've been passionate of mine since early age. I remember when I was a Summary year, when I would come up to me and go like you did a great job. That gift. When you speak, people listen to you and I would just shrug it off Like, yeah, whatever, sure, maybe I just like talking. You know, this is what I thought, and eventually it's started making more sense that I actually enjoyed giving information to other people and see their eyes light up and then see them apply this knowledge. That just lit me up. I love helping others. I love making a difference in their lives, and this is where I approached life coaching. I mentioned this in my earlier certification school that I knew that I wanted to coach as soon as I started in the trading department, but I was so scared to approach it. I didn't have that. I left it. And then after two years it happened where I was giving intelligence class, and it was a big one. And one day I was sitting with one of my colleagues. They were going through the. They looked at me and they're like this is great, but do you think you're qualified to give an emotional intelligence class? You're not a therapist, you don't have a PhD. Do you think you can do that? And that just I don't know, that just side me. And the next day I went and I applied to the Jay Shaddy certification school. I was like I'm done with people telling me what I can and cannot do, and it's about time that I really start taking the chance on myself, because if I'm going to keep waiting, it's never going to happen. I cannot expect others to come and take a chance on me. I have to start from my own self. And I think this is also false with that confidence, something in our lives happens, sometimes out of nowhere, you know, and it not triggers us, but it sets something inside us. And this is where we are forced to get out of our comfort zone and take the next step.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sometimes we're on a road, but sometimes we need a push to actually get to where we're supposed to be. You know, the universe gives us a path and if we want to follow down it, we have to go through the obstacles that come up in our way. So, yeah, we do need to push ourselves out of our comfort zone, otherwise we're never going to grow. So if somebody wants to get in touch with you or follow you, where would they find you? Are you on social media?

I am on social media. I am Natasha the hospitality coach. I'm on Instagram and on Facebook with the same name. My website is on its way. It hasn't been developed yet, but it's going to be, hopefully, by next month. So yeah, so it's the hospitality slash coachcom. Okay, the hospitality slash coachcom. Yeah.

Okay, I shall put that in the show notes and your Instagram as well. And is there anything that you wanted to say that I haven't asked you, or is there a message that you want to leave the listeners with before we finish off?

I think I'll just talk about the toxic relationship that I had with myself, which I think many people develop along depending on how they were raised and the culture they were in. I had a very toxic relationship with myself. Therefore, I was not able to have any kind of other relationship with others. I failed to develop meaningful relationships in my life until I'm very later on stage when I became self aware. And the thing about self awareness is that self awareness is not the answer alone. You know, I have to put in actions. A lot of deep work was involved and this is when, sue, I realized that I could no longer blame others for my misfortunes. I mean, it's so easy to go back to track the family and go like, yeah, but they have them around, I am the way because they have them. But today we have a choice. We have a choice whether we want to keep continue having this toxic relationships with ourselves or actually do something about it. And yeah, and deep work, a lot of reflection and never giving up on yourself can take you places beyond your dreams. I never dreamt that I would be where I am today, really coming from, where I'm telling lots of addictions, battling a lot of inner demons living in a resentful and justifiable life. To see where I am right now is is a miracle, and the reason I was able to reach here is because I stopped that toxicity. And it's so important to mention that and it's so easy to fall into this trap. If you're working in the hospitality industry, you work late hours, you work long hours, you don't look after yourself, you don't look after your well-being. You start defining your life that work is everything. If I give everything to work, I'm gonna be successful. Yes, if you will be successful, but you will be very empty as well. I've tried that. I've tried the success letter that way and it didn't work for me because I could have all the money in the world and nothing would fill that hole in my soul, you know, unless I do the inner work. So I think this is the mind, my message, especially to the hospitality industry, to the hospitality leaders Success is a letter we all want to climb, but we don't want to reach to by the end of that ladder and be empty, because if we are empty, our team will be empty and there's nothing left to give anymore. So it's very important to look after ourselves as hospitality leaders so we can take good care of our team.

Yeah, I totally agree with that. I totally agree, like I said, my son's in hospitality and I think when, well, in any role in life you need to have your boundaries, but in hospitality you need to set the line of what you will and won't do, because I know my son was in his last job before he left. In his last role he was put upon a lot because he was willing to do the work and he was good at it. So therefore he was given more work and more responsibility, but there's only so much you can do before it starts really affecting your health. And at that point you know he realized he needed to leave and do something that was a little less demanding and he was more appreciated. So that's what he did.

Yeah, and I can understand that. I mean especially with the people pleasing you know, and not setting boundaries. If you are good at something, people will always come to you, no matter what, but it's up to you to decide how much you're willing to give. And I think what your son experiences, what I've experienced a complete burnout where I was like that's it, I don't want to do it how did it reach for me wanting to do everything and wanting to give my best to a point where I just don't want to do anything. I've had enough. And for me to get there, for anyone to get there, this requires a lot like knowing where our boundaries are as individuals of human being.

Yeah, definitely. Wow, brilliant, okay, well, well done for everything you've done, and particularly for graduating from the Jay Shetty School as a life coach. So I know a lot of people are going to benefit from your experience and your qualifications and your knowledge. So I wish you all the luck in the world with that and thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you so much, sue, for having me. It's been a pleasure, thank you.

You're welcome, thank you. Thank you for listening today. New episodes come out every Wednesday at 5am, uk time. I've more great guests coming up to talk about a variety of topics, so I hope you'll listen again and become a regular listener. I would also like just to mention that I've written a book called Building Confidence, available on Amazon. It contains a number of habits that I put in place when building my own confidence, and my backstory is woven through it as well. There is a link in the show notes if you're interested. Well, until next time, take care of yourself and each other, much love.